The day I learned that healthcare was a commodity I saw everything. Customer Service. 2008

The Sheriff was in Town with Border Patrol at Her Side

     I inquired about United Airlines flight itineraries through the bathroom-stall divider. "Damn, you're across the isle from me. That's okay, we'll ask someone to move."

     Two weathered-well looking females strut onto the plane, sunglasses everywhere; deep sunburns, one with a High Pomp the other with sparkling eyelids. 

     "Can I get either one of you to move to the other side?" with pleasant gusto. We were looming over two elderly people in seats 6A & 6D. Disgruntled nervous stares were the only response. They hadn't been prepared for confrontation. We, on the other hand, were wired for weird interface. Come out on top. Rows of boarded passengers behind them wathcing this confrontation; front row seat to the Showdown. The Sheriff was in town with border patrol at her side. They were watching in real-time two cocky cunts who weren't accepting any answers but the ones that worked best for them. Stuttered half-sentences were their best response. "Please, this is my sister who I never get to see." She gestured at me leaning over her shoulder with a toothy smile. "She lives in D.C." I lived in D.C if she needed me to just like she lived in L.A. if the story was right. 

     The elderly gentleman reluctantly creeped out of his seat and across the isle.
     "I don't know if he wants to sit next to me," grandma said to all of us, sneering.
     "I gaurantee you'd rather sit next to her than me." I grinned at the old man. We took our seats.
     An hour earlier we had talked our way out of two-hundred dollars worth of flight-change charges at the United ticketing counter.
     The flight attendent came through the isle after ascent. We ordered whiskey and lots of ice. The Southern California Sun was still bright as we took every last thing from it before we flew East across the country into night-time thunderstorms and I put my mirrored, rose-colored lenses over my red eyeballs. Then Ashley promised not to spill her drink on her seat-back tray-table this time.
     "Ashley, never take the first offer and stop apologizing." You never did anything wrong.